Careful, Kimmy.

That's hot.

Hi, baby.

Freaking jumped up kids.

Muffed up my Rooney again.

You're what?

Never mind.

- Joe's in his room.

He wants to show you something.

Yeah.

Wow.

Hey, Rod.

Got your eggs.

Why are they my eggs?

- Well you eat the most eggs out of anyone.

Hey, can you go talk to Joe?

Be nice.

I'll take care of this.

First I got to fix the yard pole.

There he is.

A chief.

Happy birthday, Mr.

Rooney.

- Dad.

Mom said get you for dinner.

Tell her to start without me.

Narrator: The yard pole was the kind of crucifix dad had made out of some scrap piping he'd once found.

On 4th of July, the pole was Uncle Sam.

On Veteran's Day, a soldier.

On Halloween, a ghost.

You were allowed a single saltine from the box at a time.

One morning at breakfast, Dad shrieked at Kimmy for wasting an apple slice.

He hovered over us as we poured ketchup, saying, good enough, good enough.

Birthday parties consisted of cupcakes.

No ice cream.

The pole was my father's only concession to glee.

Every year at Christmas, we flocked out behind dad as he dragged the old Santa coat to the road and draped it over his pole.

- I thought you said it was going to be a white Christmas.

Yeah, well, look up weatherman in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of a friggin jagoff.

Joe, hurry up with the beard already.

Its miserable out here.

I'm not miserable.

I'm fine.

Yeah, Rod, we get it.

You play football.

Kimmy.

Kimmy.

What are you doing?

Viola.

Old Saint Nick.

Jingle, jingle.

Going inside.

Kids enjoy Santa.

Last one in, get the door behind you.

Tight.

Slam it.

Joe.

Dinner time.

Can we not have the pop on the table at dinner?

Looks trashy.

Where did we get that?

Joe made it.

Out of what?

Clay.

Where did you get Clay?

Joe went over to play at Chloes after school.

So what, they just give out free clay over Chloe's?

Unlimited clay?

Look, the cowboys hat comes off.

Unlimited clay for all the neighbors.

It's weird to me.

It's clay, Carl.

You know what, guys?

Don't be artists.

They're on drugs a lot of the time.

More on them than not.

Tam, am I lying?

I've heard that.

I know what you're thinking, Rodney.

It's a lawn ornament.

It's normal.

Its not a path to doing drugs or being broke.

On Sundays when it didn't rain, wed drive to the river where family recreation amounted to an afternoon of rock skipping.

Look at this frigging beaut.

Perfecto.

A lot of weight even.

Hey, Joe.

Rod.

Guys, let me show you how it's done.

Kerplunkd it.

That was weak.

Take some vitamins or something, man.

Yeah, I might take vitamins if the vitamin industry wasn't proven to be total rip ass.

A rip ass?

- Like a rip off.

Like when you get ripped off.

You knew what I meant, Rodney.

Yeah, well, vitamins aren't a rip off, dad.

They're good.

I learned about it.

The body has a chemistry.

Look at your shoes.

Looked brand new just a minute ago.

Did you know they make vitamins for iron?

All right.

Mom's doctor said that she needs iron.

Im fine Rod.

Your dad's right.

Look at your shoes.

Iron.

You need iron.

I could buy you iron.

Carl, there's iron in everything.

That's probably true.

Hey, your mom's right.

Look at the nutrition label.

Iron 170 mgs.

What, you mean mugging me about?

Did you scalp my Mary beans?

Ah my shoulders all jacked from that throw.

Let's go home.

Narrator: Dad would fall asleep on the couch in his work clothes I'd stand there in the dark and watch him dream.

Sometimes I'd wonder.

Was he dreaming about the metal pole?

Ready?

Yeah.

Come on.

We can still catch the bus.

- No, no.

It's all right.

It's fine, it's fine.

Carl.

I can't be late.

It took a month to get this appointment.

The busses were broken.

You don't need to come.

This fricking weather.

It's snow.

I can see that, Carl.

Could have brought your jacket.

Its fine.

Here, use mine.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

Im sorry everything sucks so much.

Supposed to get nice this weekend.

Hey, whats up Carl?

Tracy sent me over to get Chloe.

They in there?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Joseph.

Chloes Dad's here.

I like that.

You snip that off with one of those Mary Bean's dolls.

Man.

That's genius.

- No, it's just a dumb thing I tinker around with when I'm bored.

Hey, man, you know what?

I always enjoy waiting to see what you're going to do next with that thing.

Im gonna miss your pole.

Oh, hell, that sounded bad.

Yeah, Tam told me.

Are you moving out of the neighborhood?

Yeah.

We about to make the big move out to Scott Township.

Hey, Chloe-pie.

We gotta go.

Your mom made artichokes.

Yeah.

Scott Township, huh?

That'd be different.

Hey, Joe, did you know that Chloe was moving?

Yeah.

Better schools.

- Different schools.

Chloe.

Hey.

Carl.

Won't you come over to our house and have a beer before we leave?

All right.

Yeah.

Brett, let me know.

Oh.

Can't wait to see what you do next with that pole thingy.

In other news, country legend Willie Nelson turned 67 today.

Happy birthday, Mr.

Nelson.

You are a true American treasure.

This is WKXY.

We will be back in a few.

Smart.

See, Joe, you dont need fancy schools.

Youre already smart.

Narrator: Chloe moved.

She went on to a better school and I never saw her again.

Years passed.

I became a 17 year old man.

The pole remained a pole.

Joe, I like that.

Do you want me to keep going?

Yeah, but like keep kissing too.

What the hell is that?

- I dont know.

Is that me?

I'm sorry.

It's weird.

What the hell is up with your dad and that pole anyway?

And I sat there blinking.

Joe, what are you doing?

Stop!

- Im [____] ending this!

Really, Joe?

The f word to your mom?

Settle down.

What's wrong?

Dad is not freaking normal.

You think I don't know, he's weird?

I'm married to him.

Married to a weird man for more than half my life.

Have you ever heard your dad laugh?

His mother used to tell him she hated the sound of his laugh.

Even when he was a little boy, she told him that.

And I don't know, maybe this is how he laughs.

His version of it.

I'm not going to say it's great, but at the same time, why not let him have a [____] laugh every now and then?

Clean up the prom queen parts and come inside.

I'll make jelly melts.

Yeah, Joe.

What time is it?

Okay, dad?

- Oh.

Spooky dreams.

Oh, [___], [____] Joe, why didn't you wake me up?

I gotta work tomorrow at 6 a.m.. I need good sleep, not couch sleep.

Oh, [____] My neck is mugged.

I love you, dad.

Yeah.

If you love me, turn those lights off before you go to bed for once, huh?

Narrator: We left home, married, had children of our own.

Found the seeds of meanness blooming also within us.

It's the same as AC Darla, roll the window down.

- The wind mucks up my hair.

And can you explain why AC sucks ass?

- Are you dumb?

It sucks gas I said, Jesus.

Hey, that chair is where Walter parks, you see, because he has difficulty walking.

- Its public.

Grow up, Joe.

Can you maybe help with the baby?

Yeah.

Okay, then you carry the pretzel salad.

Look at that.

Look at that.

A tower of pretzel salad.

Jesus.

- I want there to be enough.

I'm out.

Bro.

Rod.

Come on.

- I can't.

I'm sorry, bro, I can't take it today.

Hi, Darla.

You look beautiful.

- Hey.

Let me kiss the baby.

Kimmy in there?

Yeah.

Slopped out of those perc 30 she gets.

Hey, Steelers got Monday night this week.

Come over.

I want to hold the baby.

Maybe Kimmy will be there too, if she doesnt die before then.

I gotta go.

My nerves are frazzled as [___].

I'll call you.

That's kind of sweet.

Its a [____] bowling ball.

Calm down.

Joe.

Tam?

Tam?

Tam!

Narrator: Mom died, and Dad dressed the pole as death.

He hung from the crossbar, photos of mom as a baby.

He arranged odd talismans around the poles base.

An old perfume bottle.

Theater tickets.

Tubes of mom's makeup.

Old track and field medals.

Over the following months, dad's pole became problematic to the neighbors.

Come on, Carl, let's go inside.

The groundhog sees his shadow.

That's not a groundhog, Carl.

Not even close, buddy.

Dad began dressing the pole with more complexity and less discernible logic.

He went inside.

- Thanks Connie.

I can't keep coming out here.

I know, I'll talk to him.

And then dad died.

In the hall with the radio on, and we sold the house to a young couple who yanked out the pole and left it by the road on garbage day.