♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Laughter, indistinct conversation in Dutch ] [ Indistinct conversation in Dutch ] [ Video call ringing ] -Ah, Mikyung!

[ Speaks Korean ] Minju!

Hello!

[ Speaks Korean ] Hello [Speaks Korean] Ah [Speaks Korean] Hello!

Mijin.

-Marit?

-Uh, Marit.

Marit is out.

Is uh, walking with the dog.

[ Both stammering in Dutch and Korean ] -Miok.

-Uh, I don't -- I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

[ Chuckles ] So I go?

Bye-bye.

[ Video call ringing ] [ All murmuring in Korean ] -Hi!

-Hi!

-[ Speaks Korean ] -Mieke, sorry, this is Zoe.

Um, I'm going to be here translating for you guys.

[ Repeats in Korean ] [ Laughter ] Mieke, she's asking, "Are you well, you're not sick?"

We are both well and not sick.

And also we did not have the virus, the COVID.

When COVID is over, they want to go and visit you, um, as a whole family.

-Okay.

-And they're planning on doing it.

-Well, that will be, uh, exciting.

And also, uh, we have news, because, uh, on January 29th, we are getting married.

-They're saying, "But we can't be there."

-I know.

It's so sad, but, uh, we -- we will try to, uh, or we will make it happen that we can get married and have the Skype on.

So maybe you can be there and then we can talk on the, on the Skype.

[ Zoe translating in Korean ] -She's also very sad that you can't be there, but we don't want anybody to get sick.

-She's saying it's not like you don't have parents and she wishes that you could have planned it with her and that she could have been there.

-I didn't know, um, it was going to be this -- it would be like this for them.

It was never my meaning for them to be hurt or make them sad.

When it's safe enough, we, Marit and I really want to go and see the family, and maybe we can have a little celebration then in Korea or... -They want to say congratulations.

♪♪ ♪♪ -What?

-Oh, it's okay [Speaks Korean] Good to see you!

Cooking?

[Speaks Korean] cooking?

Kitchen?

[ Laughter in distance ] Oh, it's good to see you.

Hi, Minju!

How are you?

Can I give you a hug?

-No.

-No?

Okay!

Ah!

Okay, okay, okay.

-You must have had a really hard time with the quarantine.

-Oh, it was okay.

Just sleeping.

-Sit, sit down.

She was asking why did you lose so much weight?

[ Laughter ] -You knew.

We knew.

-Are you sick?

-No, I'm not sick.

I'm well.

I, uh -- -Exercise.

-It's because running.

I, uh... -You have the same legs.

Oh, that's good, that's good.

Oh, good, good.

-She doesn't think she deserves any gifts.

-Oh, no, she does.

-He never wears socks actually, I think I realize it now.

-It's a wedding present.

-Oh!

-Oh, beautiful.

[ Speaks Korean ] You like?

You like?

I feel like I've won a medal.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay.

-He's saying add more cash to the card.

-Do you like bulgogi?

-Bulgogi, yeah.

We just generally don't eat a whole lot of meat, but obviously when you're here.

I like it, though.

-[ Speaks Korean ] -What?

-That's why you lost so much weight.

[ Laughter ] You need to eat meat.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Engine revving ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Growing up, I would imagine sometimes, like, I have Korean parents somewhere, but I never thought we could actually reunite.

I stayed wondering.

♪♪ My Dutch parents, they filed for adoption together not knowing what was going to happen.

They both had physical disability.

My adoptive father's name is Ben.

I don't remember much about Ben because he died when I was three years old.

Actually, I have no memory of him at all.

My mom, she never got remarried.

As a single mom and having physical disabilities, I think life was a struggle to her mostly.

And she made me also, I think strong for that, like, you know, run your own life.

I grew up in Vaassen.

It's a very rural area.

I was raised Christian in an evangelical church.

For dinner we would always read a passage of the Bible, which was very important to me all the time.

But yeah, it was me and my mom.

And that was really, we have this Dutch word, gezellig, cozy, um, just the two of us, kind of, um, yeah.

[ Horn honks ] When I was about 14, my mother, she was complaining about pain in her back.

I didn't think much of it.

I thought it's going to go away.

And then in the night I heard her kind of stumbling through the house.

She was groaning and having a lot of pain, and she was asking for morphine.

That's when I knew something was really wrong, but I was afraid to ask.

So I left my mom there, like, she was on the ground and I went to the neighbors.

They called 911, and it seemed to take forever.

Like, probably it wasn't that long.

The guys from the ambulance, they came and they actually brought the message, like, she had died, and did I have somebody to call.

♪♪ I didn't even know how to feel about this whole situation because I was 14.

You know, when I got up that morning, I never knew this was going to happen when I went to bed.

Like, that much for, um, changing in one day.

Sorry.

♪♪ ♪♪ I knew, like, after church I was going to go home with my uncle and aunt, but I kind of didn't realize what that meant.

♪♪ I lived there for two-and-a-half years.

I think they were not ready to have me.

I was fed, I had a roof over my head, but there was no emotional care for me whatsoever.

I realized like, "Oh, we are not going to work out at all.

Like, never."

So I ran away.

Then I went to the group home for teenagers.

I was so relieved.

It was nice to live there actually, because they were all troubled teens.

We have a [bleep] up home situation, we're trying to get our lives together.

Also, the church really helped me keep my sanity.

I needed the community.

I needed the people.

♪♪ -♪ To give you one ♪ ♪ To give the same obsession ♪ -One of the things that I developed really well is to be likable, so I tend to go a little bit more to please the other person.

There's always this part of rejection, I guess, that I don't want, again.

-♪ If you fall then I will run after you ♪ [ Birds chirping ] -She wants to read you something.

-"I see my mom in the kitchen.

What is she doing?

She is cooking.

Knock knock.

I see my mom in the dining room.

What is she doing?

She is helping my brother with his homework.

What a busy mommy."

-What a busy mom!

-What a busy mom!

-What a busy mommy.

Yes.

-[ Laughter ] -Very good.

-Wait a little bit.

She's going to get very good at English.

-I bet.

-She's going to represent -the family.

-Fam-- Yeah.

-I need to do this in Korean.

-Yeah, we need to do it in Korean, huh?

-Once he visits you in the Netherlands, he's going to quit his job.

He's just saying that he's doing the job so that he can stay healthy and fit.

-Okay.

-And can see you in the Netherlands.

-Oh, okay.

Well, that's nice.

That's nice.

Yeah.

-Oh, no, no, no.

It's okay.

Yeah.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -I was like 19 or 20.

I was in college.

No, I wasn't working on finding them at all, but their effort really touched me.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ My mom, the moment she saw me, she wanted to hold my hand and, you know, be all physical.

And I was really -- My first moment was like, "Oh, don't do that.

Like, that's too much."

I thought maybe, okay, this is just the beginning because she arrived and everything.

But her longing to, you know, treat me like that never actually went away.

When we were on the move, it was okay.

But when we had, like, drinking coffee or whatever, my mom would want to sit next to me and be all over me.

Uh, yeah, that was difficult.

It was just a whole lot of miscommunication and kind of like, look at each other, and that's it.

It made me feel very, um, tense because I wasn't able to talk about what I wanted, or how I felt about it.

So I just kind of went in kind of a surviving mode and just make it through until I leave, kind of.

After they left, it did feel like a relief.

And I also wasn't sure what I wanted with that whole relationship, because I was so overwhelmed by it.

I think they sent a few letters... ♪♪ ...but I never responded.

It was a difficult time.

I had to do some soul-searching, too.

I did not know how to fit the Korean part of me in there.

I didn't decide like, "Okay, I'm not going to, you know, respond anymore."

But it just happened, and I was really good at shutting that out.

Like, "Okay, my mom's passed away.

That's gone.

My other mother is in Korea, she's there.

My feelings are kind of a department store where everything is, you know, stored up."

Otherwise, it was too much to handle.

I kind of knew, like, I always wanted to be back in touch again, but I just never knew when.

I never meant it to be like a 14-year break.

-Part of the reason why you didn't open up to them was partially due to having a really bad interpreter there.

Do you think that's the case, or...?

Um, it could be.

But I think it's also, it's a long process.

And I think in the beginning I felt kind of overwhelmed with them because it was really intense for me.

They found me, so I wasn't prepared for it at all.

There's also cultural differences, and I do have a Dutch side and I don't speak Korean, and I don't know the customs.

-For her, that time that you took to open your heart was time that she's lost.

-Were lost years.

Yeah.

-Yeah, were lost years.

-I see what you mean.

Yeah.

In that period, I just -- I just couldn't deal with it, actually.

So for me, I did kind of have to shut it out a little bit.

I also needed to come out and I didn't know for sure if that was going to be okay for them, and there was no way to explain it very well.

So then the only option was kind of, like, kind of full out, I guess.

And that was, for me, it was my choice.

The blame is on me, like, why it happened, and not on others.

But I don't know how to deal.

I don't know how to make it right either, kind of.

-[ Speaking Korean ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -This is steep.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Good?

-Yeah.

Wow.

♪♪ Wow.

♪♪ -[ Speaks Korean ] ♪♪ -Tower.

-Namsan Tower.

-Is it there?

-Namsan Tower.

-Namsan Tower.

♪♪ -[ Camera shutter clicking ] -Ah, good.

♪♪ [ Both laugh ] Good.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -A mighty big trip for some mighty little folks begins in Seoul, Korea, where a dozen orphans board a plane for the United States.

Harry Holt is adopting eight tiny Koreans then taking four to other Americans.

Once again, an airlift touches down bringing 80 Korean War orphans to America in time for Christmas.

Some of them clearly show their Western heritage.

It's a new life and new hope in a new homeland.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Babies crying ] -See, she's crying.

Now the other ones started.

-Children whose names were Jung-Soo, Kim-Lee, Soo-Yi will answer now to Paul, Christine, Bob.

Wanted children now.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -There's a world of babies out there, and more and more Americans are adopting them.

It is big business.

-500 children a month are exported for adoption to Western Europe or America.

♪♪ -Here she is.

-Here's your daughter.

-Oh, she's gorgeous.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -"Mi Ok is very sweet and healthy looking newborn baby girl who appears to be quite well-balanced physically for her age.

She has a very lovely round face with a medium fair, brown complex, dark hair and dark clear eyes and looks typical Korean features."

Right, you can just copy paste it.

If you have so many adoptions going on, they don't do a personal study on every kid.

I don't believe so.

The paperwork is if you're buying a new car.

Like, the car looks healthy and it has a new motor and that was just replaced.

This is the receipt for my payment.

There is a lot of money involved in it, too.

You're buying a kid, basically.

"Presumed that she was born in Seoul City where she was found as an abandoned baby this month.

Both parents are unknown."

-That's so messed up.

-Yeah.

-They definitely knew.

-Because they were new -- They're known.

It's all for, like, the past to go away.

[ Jingle playing ] [ Indistinct conversations ] -Five.

Here, gay rights are different than in the Netherlands.

Gay marriage is not legalized.

Coming out could mean you lose your job.

I would never be able to live my life like I live it now with Marit.

It was nerve-racking.

Like, how would my parents see me?

And obviously I'm not, like, cisgender looking and stuff.

I noticed the stares.

We got a lot of stares.

-[ Speaks Korean ] -Thank you.

-They are surprisingly really embracing Marit in the family.

Or at least they don't show that maybe it's, um, unsettling a little bit for them.

-Yeah.

In 2016, a friend of mine told me about this conference, an international adoptee conference.

I was like, okay, if I can maybe go back to Korea where it's with other adoptees and it's like organized, I could make it less overwhelming, then it's maybe a good idea.

And also I was kind of settled down then.

I have Marit.

We had a nice place in Utrecht.

So I was ready to take that next step of, you know, discovering my own roots.

When I started looking on the Facebook group, I looked for somebody that kind of struck as gay, or at least an ally.

[ Laughs ] [ Messages chiming ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ It was actually nice to be among only Korean adoptees, being with all these people that are never going to be wherever they were adopted to and never going to be really Korean, it was kind of feeling like home.

It was really special to go through that together.

Yesterday we were in the metro, like on those long, long elevators that, you know, go on and on, and it was super crowded.

I was telling you like, I, love seeing all these ajummas with these really wide legs because I have to.

[ Laughter ] -I felt so at home, though.

-Yeah.

-I felt so like, "Oh, I'm with my people."

I don't know, I just -- I don't know, it felt really good.

-Yeah.

-Part of me wants to be, you know, finding my Korean roots and developing this Korean side of me that I never knew.

But in the same time, like, the full Korean deal, it's never going to be me.

It's never going to be you either.

-Right.

My body will always be Korean.

-Yeah.

-But then my mind is stalled out and, like, I'm a child.

I can't read, I can't write, I can't... -Right.

-...uh, talk.

I can't, um, like, understand things that I would have learned growing up.

-Right.

-And it seems like at this point the most that I'll get is probably scraps of -- of that.

-That's what I'm feeling, too.

-So I don't know.

I just -- it's so odd that they were, like, really surprised when the first generation came back looking for answers and for family.

-Right.

-And I feel like they're still a little bit like, "Well, you got a good education and, you know, you're living in the Netherlands.

Your house looks like Ikea."

-Yeah.

[ Laughs ] -"You're set.

You made it.

Why are you even looking back behind you?"

-I also realized, like, I have a halmoni.

I have a grandmother, I have -- she has parents.

Like, there's a whole line here... -Yeah.

-...you know, that leads to us.

I belong here, kind of.

My initial idea was going to the conference, but then I thought, if I make that trip all the way to Seoul, I should probably contact my birth family, too.

It had been 14 years since my parents came to the Netherlands, and meeting my sisters was definitely one thing on my to-do list for my life.

-Now she felt like she had people in her corner.

She didn't have to lie about herself.

She's like, I'm proud of who I am.

I'm proud of the people that know me.

Please be in contact with me again.

-I had my sister Taekyung in my Facebook.

I never met her, but she added me.

So I sent her a message.

[ Messages chiming ] And she right away sent a message back.

♪♪ ♪♪ She was really excited.

I contacted her, and then she would spread it out to the family and then come back.

So she was my leading channel, basically.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ I've seen pictures of my sisters before, but meeting them for the first time, I don't know, it's undescribable actually.

Like, this is them, finally.

♪♪ I felt a strong connection right away, even though I had no idea who these people were.

-Then when you just see eight people in a row who look like Mieke in different variations, that's amazing.

After the conference, they took us to the water park and sightseeing.

-They were very welcoming and also loud and kind of chaotic.

They were like, "Okay, Taekyung is the cool one," and like, "I'm the cool one too because I'm not the traditional Korean person."

I felt like she understood me right away, even though we couldn't speak a thing, even though we didn't grow up.

She was definitely thinking, "How are things for Mieke?"

It was kind of difficult without translation, but it was really nice to see how my sisters lived.

It was also overwhelming, but it was also really nice.

And I felt really loved by them, too.

♪♪ ♪♪ [ Messages chiming ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Bells tolling ] ♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] Two months after I got back from Seoul, I got a message from my niece, Yuna, that my sister was in a car accident in Incheon.

First, I didn't understand, but then as I texted more, I realized that Taekyung had died.

♪♪ ♪♪ When we heard the news, I booked a flight back to Seoul and, um, Marit and I went back for five days.

I really wanted to show them that I was real about being family together.

I wanted to be there, and I wanted to be, um, yeah, because I'm her sister, too.

[ Sniffles ] [ Indistinct conversations ] ♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] -I think of all the losses.

[ Clears throat ] I think the one of Taekyung hit me most because, um, yeah, she's just... I can't describe it.

Even though we didn't grow up, but it felt so strong.

So, yeah.

It's horrible.

♪♪ Like, I imagined Taekyung coming to visit me here.

Um, it's never gonna happen.

Like, the past was stolen, and now the future, too.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Children playing ] -They want to kind of bring back time, bring back the lost years.

But for me, this is too difficult.

My house, my family, my life is here in the Netherlands.

I'm based here because of adoption.

The truth is that those times where we could have lived together have passed.

♪♪ If I would have had a voice back then, I would have made a choice that I could stay there.

I was supposed to be there.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Yeah.

-Like, I think if you're framing it as like, "I'm trying to get closer to you guys.

So now I'm telling you what I really need and want, you know?"

-Yeah, because if I wouldn't care, I would just stop responding again, you know?

But I know I cannot -- I cannot deal with that.

It's -- There's no way I can -- I can have them there for two weeks.

Like, no way.

It's not discussable, okay?

-I can feel you getting, like, panicked, -even just talking about it.

-Yeah, I am.

-That's also a sign that you're, like, afraid of losing them.

-But this is what it is like to be in your reunion and about the example of, like, even if I step out of touch with them, it will never be the same because I know them.

Like, it will never be the same as before.

I don't have that -- -So maybe you are scared of losing them?

-Yes.

And I also -- -Maybe a little bit.

-Instead of just escaping them.

-Yeah.

-You know, it's like it's really hard for you to tell them what you want.

-Yeah.

-And then they don't give it to you, and then you're [bleep] pissed.

-I know, yeah.

-So if you fall out of contact again, it was never all on you the first time.

-True.

-It's not all on you now.

-Right.

-But if you don't say what you need, and then you're just like, [bleep] you don't come to the Netherlands, then it is on you.

-Then it is on me.

That's how I feel, too.

-Because you took it all.

-Right.

-So you might as well say what you want, make it as pleasant as possible.

But you are never, no matter what you say to your mom, she's never not gonna be like I didn't get to raise you.

-And it's like, you know, the same is true for you.

You already lost something.

You all did, you know?

-Right, right.

-Yeah, we all did.

That's at least something we have in common.

-That might be one of the only things you have in common.

That's the problem.

You know what I mean?

[ Laughter ] Childhood is a very, you know?

-Yeah.

-It's there, and then it's gone.

-You also feel like either way it sucks, kind of?

-Mm-hmm.

-It's terrible.

-Can I give you a hug, man?

-Yeah.

-Sorry.

-Don't be sorry.

-[ Sniffles ] -Yeah.

-I wish it -- I mean, because it's also really frustrating when you can't just talk yourself or speak, uh, with them yourself.

And I'm sitting here in a place where I was born, and I just feel a [bleep] stranger.

And I know if the situation will not change, I don't know if I can still do it.

And I think that's my fear.

I don't know.

[ Sniffles ] It would be so much easier if it just all didn't happen.

-Yeah.

♪♪ ♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -[Sniffles] -[Laughs] -[Sobbing] -[Sobbing] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] -Wow.

-Looks cool, huh?

[ Laughs ] -You like it?

-I feel like a king.

Where's my servants?

-Okay.

[ Indistinct conversations ] -Wait.

What's going on?

-It's the wrong color.

-Ooh!

-Wow!

♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Laughs ] -[ Laughs ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Applause ] ♪♪ -I have to catch it?

-Yeah.

-Oh, [bleep].

[ Applause ] -You guys are gonna have to fight for the date.

-We do?

-The person who wins the date means you're gonna have the power in your marriage.

-Okay.

-Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Stop!

[ Laughter ] -You're not supposed to it.

[ Laughter ] -[ Speaks Korean ] ♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] -Smile!

Okay, big smile!

Ha, ha, ha!

[ Laughter, camera shutter clicking ] -[ Speaks Korean ] [ Laughter ] Okay.

[ Applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -Hi, Mieke.

[ Laughs ] -Hi.

How are you?

-She wants to know what is it that you want and that you would like her to do.

-Right.

Right.

So she's very nervous.

-I wanted to tell her, too, that I'm really thankful because -- -I think you should talk to her, she thinks, directly if she can't understand.

-Okay, okay.

I wanted to tell you I appreciate that you were with us yesterday at the wedding experience.

I think you really showed, uh, care, a lot of care.

-When you say to her thanks for coming and supporting, she doesn't think she should even be thanked because of the things that she did.

-Mm.

Yeah.

Even though she says, like, "I'm not worthy or whatever," for me, it's still big that she did that.

And also I understand, like, even in the Netherlands, it's weird.

So why not here?

So it means a lot.

-Your mom brought up Netherlands and how you know she's excited about going.

And Ruth asked her, like, you know, when you go, you should get a guide definitely and stay at a hotel.

-I really appreciate also that you want to come to the Netherlands and see how I live and how I'm doing there, because obviously, it's better to show because we have hard time communicating because of the language difference.

So I love it.

But also, if you stay in my house, it's maybe a little bit too much for me to have you, all of you or you constantly around me.

It will be a bit too much for me, and I -- I want us to have a nice time.

-I think she's still saying that, uh, the rest of the family can stay at the hotel.

-But just not her.

-Just not her.

-Um, even though it's so nice to have you around, I also need moments to catch my breath.

What I need from you is that we have time together, but that I also have room to just, you know, just be on my own.

And because it's also a big emotional for me if you visit me.

-I appreciate that.

-Yeah, that's nice.

That's everything.

I was very stressed about the trip and hearing about it, but when you don't want to put much pressure on it, I feel way more relaxed about it.

-Very proud of you that you have built your life on your own, and that you're strong and you, you know, found your life.

-I think also, I would like to tell her one more time, and I think you need to hear it from me, too.

I hope someday you can pass beyond the guilt and the feeling of guilt.

And because I know, um, it was -- it's not only you.

It was the pressure of society.

There was poverty.

There was, you know, pressure from the family.

There was pressure from my grandmother.

Even hearing my father say, like, "Oh, she's under documents and stuff," it's not -- it's a whole circle of why it happened.

So I hope you can find forgiveness somewhere for yourself.

-Do you forgive her?

-Yes.

Yes, of course.

Yeah, of course.

It's okay.

-[ Sniffles ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Part of coming back here is saying goodbye, and it will always be like that.

But I think we are more calm now because I feel like I've gotten to know my mother a little bit better, and she got to know me a little bit better.

I think she realizes that I will keep finding her.

[ Indistinct P.A.

announcement ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Waves crashing ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪