(upbeat music) - [Felicia] We founded our relationship on race and on being vulnerable about race.

- So for us, we had to see each other through and past racism in order for us to see each other.

(upbeat music) - [Kristina] We have a very strong foundation of love and it's kind of like, you know, accept us or not.

It's your problem.

(laughs) - Dealing with racial issues, we don't let it tear us apart.

We deal with it head on.

(upbeat music) - I'm Felicia Savage Friedman, I'm 57 from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania born and raised and Martin and I have been married for three years.

- [Martin] I'm Martin Friedman, also 57 and also married for three years, coincidentally enough.

(Felicia laughs) (upbeat music) - Martin's an extraordinary personality and I saw that.

A lot of other people saw that, a lot of other women saw that too.

- She brings an exuberance and a calmness sort of simultaneously.

(upbeat music) - Hi I'm Reginald Murphy, I'm 31 years old.

- And I'm Kristina Murphy, 31 years old and we have been married for five years, together for 14.

(upbeat music) - [Kristina] There was something about him that I was like drawn to.

Like, he was just like a sweetheart, like very soft, very loving.

- [Reginald] She's always like the life of the party, definitely brings out like the energy.

- [Kristina] We are high school sweethearts and we met in the hallway and we've had classes together and he just came up and asked me for my number and it kind of went off from there.

- [Reginald] Just thought is pretty, had a good sense of humor.

Race and color was not an issue.

- [Kristina] So I had also dated black guys before Reggie and our school, East Allegheny was very diverse.

- The very first time we met was in 2015 in Seattle.

(upbeat music) Alicia had flown out to do some work around health and wellness and yoga at an event that I was helping to co-sponsor with Youth Undoing Institutional Racism - And Martin was one of the lead trainers.

He talked about how he was reclaiming his humanity as a white man.

So eloquently and heartfelt and vulnerable and how he is doing that is through him honoring his Jewish culture and Jewish religion.

And it just knocked me off my feet.

(upbeat music) - [Kristina] So we started dating in 2006 and I would say we did get some pushback from society in regards to the fact of us being an interracial couple.

You know, just certain glares and more so from like the older generation.

I feel like our generation was more open to it.

And my family at the time was very accepting and open to it.

(upbeat music) All my friends were accepting, I didn't have any pushback from them.

(upbeat music) - [Felicia] Problems that we've had were probably more of the energy that we got from other people.

When you stop at a rest stop in Central Pennsylvania or in Ohio, that was off-putting but we expect that though too but it still hurts.

- From my side of the family, I think on the surface, you know most people were pretty excited and happy.

Actually the strongest negative reaction I got was from other black women and other people of color who were in my network who did not approve of us being together.

- Now I did have some level of resentment by the third or fourth time that I felt as though I had to tell our story to justify why we're together And I'm like, you know, we are together.

I'm not explaining any more.

(upbeat music) Well, I had been married before and I've always believed in marriage and a working together and a building together.

I couldn't see me as a black woman being in relationship with a white man and us living together and not being married.

- And basically Felicia said, you know, we're 52, 53 years old if we're gonna be together, we need to be married and I was good with that.

I'd actually always wanted to be married.

(upbeat music) It was extraordinary.

We had a hundred people there who really supported our relationship.

- I proposed to her in college and then finally got married in 2015 and I've been happily married ever since.

- Got it.

- Okay Communication is definitely the key to our marriage definitely.

And I feel like moreso in an interracial marriage, he has to be able to feel comfortable telling me something that, you know, most black people wouldn't feel comfortable saying to a white person.

- There you go.

- We know that racism exists.

We talk about it every day.

We both train on it every day.

That's how we earn our living.

But I think what's really special about us is that we are fully transparent.

- We have grounded everything in a commitment to growth and to return to our true humanity beyond all of the identities that society puts on us and the value of those identities, that would be gender, that would be race that would be religion, that would be ethnicity.

- [Crowd] Black lives matter, black lives matter Part of the reason why I was so attracted to Martin is because black lives matter to him as a white man.

He values black people and black culture and he values my life, he values my children's lives.

- I don't see Black Lives Matter as diminishing my life at all.

And there's a narrative right now from white people that saying black lives matter, diminishes white lives.

That is not present in our relationship at all.

I know that as we uplift black lives, everybody's life gets uplifted.

(upbeat music) The Black Lives Matter movement, it's opening people's eyes.

as a black man I'm definitely mindful of everything I do.

I don't wanna be perceived as a threat.

That's always on my mind no matter where I'm at, in a store, walking down the street, just making sure that I'm as friendly, as personable, as non-threatening as I can be.

I don't wanna have any altercations with anybody.

I don't wanna have any run ins with the police.

I don't, if I can just go about my way get through my day and make it home to my family.

That's my main concern.

- Every time he steps outside, I worry if it's gonna be the last time I see him.

I see him as the amazing father and amazing husband who comes home and even though he's just worked 11 hours, you know he wrestles with his kids on the couch and you know, spends time with them and he's a good man.

But I worry, you know every time he steps outside, will someone fear him?

Will someone judge him wrongly?

Change is very near and dear to my heart so that is why the Black Lives Matter movement matters very much to myself and my family.

The advice I would have for any interracial couples that are starting out and getting married, just be accepting of the differences that you guys are gonna have, embracing those differences, loving those differences - Be open and honest, accept your differences and work towards finding your common ground.

- [Martin] The love is not enough.

Love, it has to be the foundation and truth.

Truth is I would say truth is more important than love because continuing to tell your own truth, will keep the love going.

- [Felicia] Speak your truth, talk about race every day cause it's been the elephant in the room for so long.

Not talking about it leads to the deterioration of relationships and definitely race relationships.

- Should I sit on the front of it (Felicia laughs) and you get inside to really recreate true life for us.

- No you don't know about that though.

- Keep going don't stop.

- Right.

(upbeat music)